Gwen, why must you hurt me?

I've ranted about this many a time, but FOR THE LOVE OF TINY BUNNIES, WHY must celebrities continue to give their children horrible, mock-inducing, psychologically abusive names? I point my accusatory finger at you, Gwen Stefani. Sure, you have a husband and I'm sure he had an opinion and whatever, but I KNOW that you are the mastermind behind this evil, evil, deed. In the words of my friend Amber, "They just need to throw a "Dakota" in there, it would be perfect. And then I would never stop vomiting."

Vomiting, indeed. Let's all welcome ZUMA NESTA ROCK ROSSDALE to the world.

This is a disease, and must be stopped. INOCCULATE YOURSELVES!!! Join me in the fight against pretentious and megalomaniacal names! Together, we can end the destructive reign of terror celebrities have gripped us with everytime one of them sprouts a baby bump.

From CNN via The Huffington Post, filed by me under Things That Shouldn't Surprise You, we're being watched! Or rather, cyberwarfare is on the rise and this is what it may look like.

Finally, the Great Minnesota Get Together is in full swing, so get out there and enjoy looking at the big hair, feed caps, and mom jeans. And please, be sure to eat Something On A Stick, or you will inevitably be asked, "You didn't try (fill in blank with totally inappropriately fried item) on a stick?!" You will get a similar reaction if you don't eat twenty-five Sweet Martha's Cookies with milk. I know, I sound like a total curmudgeon, but I feel the same way about the State Fair that I feel about Garrison Keillor: depending on my mood I find it's schtick alternately charming and really irritating. I mean, I AM going to see the baby animals, so my heart isn't completely made of tarry black matter.

PS, WHO ARE THE VEEP CANDIDATES???? Barack, don't hold out on me, my love.